We went to Hampshire with the delegation and one of the temps came in today and started talking to me about 谈恋爱。 It got me thinking about love as I've come to know it in my life。 I have been IN only twice in my life, had a ton of close calls, but before I was within the periphery, I was just taken off the circle。In hindsight, I have only good memories about these semi-redeeming men, yet they have left me hopeful-- that one day the one will come, sweep me off my feet, catch my fall and we will set adrift。
After a tiring two-day's work, our team of five, celebrated by having drinks at our friendly Nero。 My favorite barista always, always, always double-stamps my card, and I dearly adore him for it。 Along with other gals, I took the road oft traveled。 The train ride wasn't half-bad－ the view was as picturesque as it was peaceful。 The sun was out, what more could one ask? Leonine that I am, I am a big sun-flasher。 We rode back in the car, chucked in the back like a couple of sardines in a tin and colleagues repeatedly echoed and wondered why I was quiet beyond belief。 Strange, I normally am the quiet one in the pack, but that day, every one (even the MD) asked what was up with me。 I murmured my apologies and feigned sleep, yet in all honesty, a huge part of my heart wasn't in the conversation because all I could think of was。。。HIM。 A part of me, truth be told still feels confused。 How could I have been so wrong when I had felt so sure with him? How can someone so openly profess his love and leave me to drown in the bloody deluge? Unable to fight with me and for me。 A huge part of me knows it's all over and done with and yet, a tiny impassioned speck sparks on。 There are the few and far between moments when I still think of him and cry。 Yes, it feels good to know that I have felt 谈恋爱 the only way possible, yet with that same albeit dimming intensity, the pureness of these feelings were for naught! I still feel a tad stung by love's bittersweet aftertaste, and I can't help but feel betrayed。。。still。 The betrayal is a dullache, a reminder of all the sadness and emptiness that love can bring as well。 It has been quite a while since I last felt this emptiness。How insignificant my love was to him! 到此为止，我挺爱背叛了我的臭小子。 我真的很难受。Moving on。。。is this an impossibility? Giving myself again to someone that way again- is it even possible after being let down?
。。。after four years, my HEART is tired。 And it wants to move on and take a breather。 To stop thinking of him。 Loving him is a hopeless bull's eye。其实我和爱彼此有倒霉关系，但是我坚智有浪漫的理想，我也不清楚为甚么， 反正我对爱有激情，我都无所谓。I may feel hopeless about the man, but I am hopeful and expectant that LOVE, when it comes again, will be redeeming and beautiful。
x
S
