My colleague Alpay bought me lunch today. It was the first time that he ever offered me anything outside of cigs and his Mediterranean flirt power. (The former I fell for and the latter I wouldn't dream of ever indulging.) I couldn't leave the office because all the gals were out on a wild goose chase. As he left the bacon sandwich on my desk, he called, ''You do eat pork, don't you?" It was only after he left the room that I realized that the last time I had a carnivorous feast was the Saturday I went to see Bunny in her office in Central London and had take-out brinjal vindalu. Effin' vindaloo was so bloody spicy I was sweating out of my eyeballs!!! Pork I hadn't had in months... the last time was the Notting Hill festival when I had home-made English breakfast.
So yeah, despite my hunger I couldn't eat the sandwich and when I did bite into it at half two(not the white bread though-- I am very carb-conscious, I reserve it for my unputdownable sweet tooth!!!), I found that the entire experience was more than a tad unpleasant. (No I didn't finish the fare but let's not tell Alpay and hurt his feelings.) I was still squeamish when we hit the nearby pub, and when I ended up sharing a tuna panini with one of the gals, I found that I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I haven't had tuna in more than two months. I had a pint of cider and Lucy dropped my semi-inebriated a** home at about 8 I think. Whatta change. Gone were the weekends that 8pm was my starting time to prepare for a night-out of drinking and all-night dancing. Oh my!!! I was thinking how much I enjoyed dancing and if I do push through with that business trip next month, I am definitely going to dirtydance the night away!!!
I finally made the decision to avoid putting flesh and fowl into mine lips. Hmmm...something green comes to mind but I will bite my tongue and talk about the call to vegetarianism.
The decision has been long overdue and had nada to do with my intoxicated state. It just had to do with me and my penchant for dilly-dallying.
Pork was the easiest to give up as I've always loved lamb and shrimp above all. Chicken and turkey was the middle ground as far as my palate was concerned. I have always been partial to seafood and brandy (Thanks to my Dad!!!) And we both loved alcohol with a heaving passion (now it can be told!) And my mom has been a devout Buddhist all her life, I would have to say it is further complicated by my deep-seated knowledge about the Way of Life. My upbringing had a lot to do with my decision (and a little oomp-ah!!! of the Catholic guilt). Quite honestly am a bit of a wuss when I see videos of animals being slaughtered, I cringe. I don't especially like animals, but I do have a huge hole of human decency there somewhere.
My attitude towards life and the individuals I meet is open. (What is normal these days anyways???) I believe everyone who comes into your life leaves an emotional etch, no matter how marked or minute. Sometimes they stay for a short while but their influence, life-changing. Sometimes (like my ex) they have shared any nook and cranny of your life with you, and you never thought you could live without. And years later, you realize you're doing much better and are a much better person. It doesn't mean you forget him, but it means you let him go. Cin always says that 'he' was but a taster and that the best of em all is yet to come. I used to think he was it, yet now, I believe that she's right. There is always a reason why love never works out (even when it feels right)... I believe that there is always someone else better waiting to come along. Always, always, always!
But it does get more difficult. For as we grow older, the people seem to just come and go. So it is up to you to make the few and far between souls that hit the connection button count! Give them time and serious consideration. Ry told me that you won't regret going the extra mile for those that do make their mark. I think this is one of the qualities I like about myself, that I've been exposed to so many things that I don't get threatened as easily as I should...within reason. And I do make it a point to love and share my time with my friends. It helps that I listen when I am spoken to and that I don't shock easily. To whom much is given, much is expected. Did they not say that? Being exposed to various beliefs does not a complicated person make me. My friends all hate my naivete and that I lack the malice gene that sometimes gets me into toil and trouble cauldron bubble a phrase the Bard penned in one of his creations! with some strange ones. I probably will lose all that child-like hopefulness one of these days...you never know.
But I have to say that with all that I've given up, there are things I will never give up--
Dancing (yes the drunken-down-and-dirty kind!!!)...
my Tomboy complex (and no, I am NOT lesbian!)
My leather jacket (this is so un-vegan!!!)
Choklit milkshakes (another VERY anti-vegan statement!!!), and,
amaretto sours!!!
26.9.08
23.9.08
Moving out?!
I might need to move out of my flat.
My landlord once gave me a sermon for coming home at half 2 in the morning. In my defense, I went to pick someone up from Luton and we got lost. No, I wasn't drunk and we were tired as the flight arrived at 10 something. When I got home, I was tiptoeing (i swear!) and he called me on my mobile and gave me a tirade on coming home at that time and asked who I was with. I said it was a buddy I picked up from the airport. He said he wanted my buddy out of the house. But ok, in hindsight, that might have foresight on his part...so i shall let that one pass.
Or that I must regularly resort to loud music on my earphones because the walls are too thin. Hint! Hint! I know what happens, but I don't wanna hear all the moan-and-groan moments. Geez. And the banging, just so you know, wakes me up! Yes even if it's in the middle of the night. But ok, as I am an adult, I shall let that one pass as well.
My other flatmate is nicer. Too nice that he sometimes leaves HIS door open (much to my disbelief!!!) and sometimes his nakedness is much too dismaying for me. *NO! Seriously...I'm not amused! True we are both from Catholic countries but our continents are on opposite ends of the earth, and being Tsinay doesn't really make me up for freebie peep shows. And FYI, anything with too much hair is soooooh not a good thing!
Is it too much to ask that I be allowed to have guests inside the flat? Because I'm not allowed to bring people into the sitting room. Mmmmmm...
Is it not common sense to leave your flatmate's clothes hanging when they are obviously damp? Mine were left on the counter. The kitchen counter! Not only do some of my clothes smell like mildew (eww.), they smell like a mix of mildew and curry. (Double eww.)
I don't know if I am not meant to share a flat with men? Eventhough I'm a Venusgal I'm usually pretty good at getting along with the people from Mars. I'm actually quiet and quite good at keeping the peace. Also, I quite like the area where I live-- it is quite nice, not as chaotic and ultimately it has its charms.
So tell me...is it time to move???
My landlord once gave me a sermon for coming home at half 2 in the morning. In my defense, I went to pick someone up from Luton and we got lost. No, I wasn't drunk and we were tired as the flight arrived at 10 something. When I got home, I was tiptoeing (i swear!) and he called me on my mobile and gave me a tirade on coming home at that time and asked who I was with. I said it was a buddy I picked up from the airport. He said he wanted my buddy out of the house. But ok, in hindsight, that might have foresight on his part...so i shall let that one pass.
Or that I must regularly resort to loud music on my earphones because the walls are too thin. Hint! Hint! I know what happens, but I don't wanna hear all the moan-and-groan moments. Geez. And the banging, just so you know, wakes me up! Yes even if it's in the middle of the night. But ok, as I am an adult, I shall let that one pass as well.
My other flatmate is nicer. Too nice that he sometimes leaves HIS door open (much to my disbelief!!!) and sometimes his nakedness is much too dismaying for me. *NO! Seriously...I'm not amused! True we are both from Catholic countries but our continents are on opposite ends of the earth, and being Tsinay doesn't really make me up for freebie peep shows. And FYI, anything with too much hair is soooooh not a good thing!
Is it too much to ask that I be allowed to have guests inside the flat? Because I'm not allowed to bring people into the sitting room. Mmmmmm...
Is it not common sense to leave your flatmate's clothes hanging when they are obviously damp? Mine were left on the counter. The kitchen counter! Not only do some of my clothes smell like mildew (eww.), they smell like a mix of mildew and curry. (Double eww.)
I don't know if I am not meant to share a flat with men? Eventhough I'm a Venusgal I'm usually pretty good at getting along with the people from Mars. I'm actually quiet and quite good at keeping the peace. Also, I quite like the area where I live-- it is quite nice, not as chaotic and ultimately it has its charms.
So tell me...is it time to move???
19.9.08
Note for Drew
(AKA circumventing our Leonine Paradox)
Fellow LEO, former colleague and Moksha (see pic) symphatizer, Drew- and I are in touch regularly. We've always clicked and I have always sort of felt we were siblings from different mothers! Back in the day, we usually started drinking after work and mosey on to Moksha, and have our regular usapang anything under the sun. Who can forget the first time we had flaming tigers? OMG!!!
And as we are both leos who believe in love, romance and the entire idealistic hullaballoo (to a damning fault!), more than once during regularly hobnobbing with Jack, Johnny and Hennessy endlessly in Moksha, our hidden watering hole in the San Juan area, we spoke about the less-than idyllic trait of our Leonine madness- the olats factor.
Foursome that we were, I remember intimating to Gette & Jeremy how it wasn't 'our thing' to just ask people out. Drew just flat out said he didn't do it and I said that in the few and far between times I asked out men I liked, it was not only unsuccessfull, it ended in a horrific dramedy (the kind you never want to relive!)
Torpe, olats and whatever else it's called, it is true. But in this case, the Leos are unabashed followers of the 'fear factor' and would rather not.
As leos go, we are both big-hearted, magnanimous, generous, born leaders and, well... olats to the max... We always talk about how leos never know how to make the first date move. We not only suck, we are virtually incapable of the action. Maybe it is the fear of rejection that halts us to a fault, it is quite the debilitating thing... but having said that, we simply retreat because of a forgettable alter ego that we both possess. We have to consistently remind each other on chat that although we don't play hard to get, it is definitely the way it looks from another person's point of view. It is the bittersweet of my tribe. Maybe shyness is 'THE' leonine key to thriving in dateland. I always tell him I can't do it that way, and he always nods quietly and always reminds me- just be yourself...don't pretend to be someone you're not.
MY Fellow Leonizer, Drew- we are two of A kind! We play the waiting game so well, that we have it down pat --to a T... Partners inParalysis over Analysis .
So to Drew who hates to read, I will keep this short and tell you that you are missed, although all your advice are much, much appreciated. And soon enough, we will drink with our boys again!!! I truly truly miss the good ol times.
x
Fellow LEO, former colleague and Moksha (see pic) symphatizer, Drew- and I are in touch regularly. We've always clicked and I have always sort of felt we were siblings from different mothers! Back in the day, we usually started drinking after work and mosey on to Moksha, and have our regular usapang anything under the sun. Who can forget the first time we had flaming tigers? OMG!!!
And as we are both leos who believe in love, romance and the entire idealistic hullaballoo (to a damning fault!), more than once during regularly hobnobbing with Jack, Johnny and Hennessy endlessly in Moksha, our hidden watering hole in the San Juan area, we spoke about the less-than idyllic trait of our Leonine madness- the olats factor.
Foursome that we were, I remember intimating to Gette & Jeremy how it wasn't 'our thing' to just ask people out. Drew just flat out said he didn't do it and I said that in the few and far between times I asked out men I liked, it was not only unsuccessfull, it ended in a horrific dramedy (the kind you never want to relive!)
Torpe, olats and whatever else it's called, it is true. But in this case, the Leos are unabashed followers of the 'fear factor' and would rather not.
As leos go, we are both big-hearted, magnanimous, generous, born leaders and, well... olats to the max... We always talk about how leos never know how to make the first date move. We not only suck, we are virtually incapable of the action. Maybe it is the fear of rejection that halts us to a fault, it is quite the debilitating thing... but having said that, we simply retreat because of a forgettable alter ego that we both possess. We have to consistently remind each other on chat that although we don't play hard to get, it is definitely the way it looks from another person's point of view. It is the bittersweet of my tribe. Maybe shyness is 'THE' leonine key to thriving in dateland. I always tell him I can't do it that way, and he always nods quietly and always reminds me- just be yourself...don't pretend to be someone you're not.
MY Fellow Leonizer, Drew- we are two of A kind! We play the waiting game so well, that we have it down pat --to a T... Partners inParalysis over Analysis .
So to Drew who hates to read, I will keep this short and tell you that you are missed, although all your advice are much, much appreciated. And soon enough, we will drink with our boys again!!! I truly truly miss the good ol times.
x
15.9.08
To the talented Mr. Harding 。。。
Oi matey! Come stai??
I'm sorry I never got back to you THAT time. I humbly apologise as I got stuck--in the middle of the reality of my life, halfway betwixt work AKA paying the bills, above the everyday chores (washing the dishes simultaneously with my laundry after cooking my 'baon' for lunch the following day)-- is this enough to drive you to the depths of guilt-ridden madness??? Well this is life as I know it here. So am I forgiven for not replying??? Sana naman no!
Well I meant to write you ASAP but got put off by your reminder to not send personal correspondence via office email (Why the hell not???). So next time you want my immediate response/attention, you can ease off with the pointed reminders, haha! Because I either write you at once upon receipt of your email or not at all. As you know, I'm quite the extremist. For others, I allot the HUGE benefit of a 'gray area,' though for myself, it's not quite as straightforward. I am much more stringent with Sadrina. It's either a YES or no, a DO IT or don't. Ahhh, such is life! I simplify to complicate. Didn't we always say that over drinks at the Fort???
I truly miss this part of the Fort. My Manila. Can you imagine, less than a year ago, it was a mere ten-minute walk from where I lived. Now it seems like a moment in my putaway heart. One that I dream to walk into again... forever. How I miss Manila- the humid evenings and the drinks. Yes it's official. Sadrina misses Manila. Over the weekend, I spent 30 quid on bibingka, ginataan, halo-halo, boneless bangus & siopao (asado). Dude, 80 pesos ang Boy Bawang dito!!! UnF-ing-believable!!!!
I soooh miss our exchanges over beer and amaretto sours. You are one of my tell-all confidantes back home, one of the few whom I trust implicitly. I love that we both share a passion for words and have dreams of someday influencing the literal world with our own kathang-isip (Ehem!). To carve a niche of ourselves and leave legacies of our half-truths behind. My friend, how is that dream coming along??? Better keep me posted and send me the final product. Or else I go home and kick your ass.
So here I am, allotting time, effort and my 40 pence on the matter of love life and the lot where YOU, my friend are concerned.
Good you've broken up with her. (Say what?!) She didn't really sound all that intellectually enticing to me, quite honestly. (You have to remember we've been buddies before we hit puberty so we go a long way back!!! And besides, I've never met her but from what I know of her, seeing how you two've broken up I see no reason to hold back my emotional resonance on the matters of YOUR heart. (Haha!) I've always known you to have an artist's heart, and your penchant for inspiration (no matter how illusory) reigns supreme. And I know your kind so well, because we are of the same mold. LIke you, I have a dreamer's heart and I make no pretenses about my search for romance and happy-ever-after. Maybe this idealism makes you of the frustrated lot, but I reckon, this is what sets you apart. At least you gave it one last shot by having a Hong Kong holiday. All that dimsum did the romance no good. (No kinky sex with chopsticks as accompaniment??) All that jest aside (I am assuming that by 3rd paragraph you have had your fill of my dry humour!!!), as we mature, I think singlehood and independence become the bittersweet pill in the sense that both become harder to give up, although the lonely reality of the former can be too damning sometimes. Mahirap talaga yan pero ganyan talaga. But I am curious, tears? You? Di naman mababaw ang luha mo e. Unless you had estrogen-infused brownies prior to the exchange. Hmmm...a most curious development.
You know, I've learned that although there are things you must never go back to, I also believe that timing is what sets an experience apart from another.
Time.
Time.
Time.
So I cannot emphasize it enough. Give yourself time to grieve. Give yourself time to let go. Somewhere in the exercise, there will be pain, anger and self-pity, but don't dwell too much on the emotional side of things. Shakespeare has said that "Everyone can master a grief but he that has it."-- so at the risk of sounding like a self-righteous biA*** who knows nada about your feelings, I will tell you facts remembered from previous correspondence. Without reverting to your previous email, I can say that the singular information that stuck to my mind was that she was a voracious reader...NOT!!! That in itself makes you worlds apart from the (undecided) ex. The other thing was her seeming affinity for jealousy. And you my friend know, still and all, I bear the brunt of the green eyed monster. Four years it has been. Sure, the physical scars heal. IT is the trauma left over in increments that tweak your psyche and make you more 'praning'. The ultimate end-all for me is simply put, if you have to contend with jealousy as a part of the relationship then the trust is questionnable. Not yours. HERS. And if the trust is not solid, no ifs and buts. Move on. You know what I've been through. I've learned the hard way. So if you can contend witha lifetime of jealousy, be my guest, but dude, don't say I didn't give you the yellow light for the green emotion. Di ako nagkulang ha.
The ''How Am I?" question that ends your email will receive a response in a couple. You know where to reach me anytime so just gimme a shout.
Smile Harding. You'll find your silver lining soon enough. So till then. Stay hopeful.
x
Besos
S
I'm sorry I never got back to you THAT time. I humbly apologise as I got stuck--in the middle of the reality of my life, halfway betwixt work AKA paying the bills, above the everyday chores (washing the dishes simultaneously with my laundry after cooking my 'baon' for lunch the following day)-- is this enough to drive you to the depths of guilt-ridden madness??? Well this is life as I know it here. So am I forgiven for not replying??? Sana naman no!
Well I meant to write you ASAP but got put off by your reminder to not send personal correspondence via office email (Why the hell not???). So next time you want my immediate response/attention, you can ease off with the pointed reminders, haha! Because I either write you at once upon receipt of your email or not at all. As you know, I'm quite the extremist. For others, I allot the HUGE benefit of a 'gray area,' though for myself, it's not quite as straightforward. I am much more stringent with Sadrina. It's either a YES or no, a DO IT or don't. Ahhh, such is life! I simplify to complicate. Didn't we always say that over drinks at the Fort???
I truly miss this part of the Fort. My Manila. Can you imagine, less than a year ago, it was a mere ten-minute walk from where I lived. Now it seems like a moment in my putaway heart. One that I dream to walk into again... forever. How I miss Manila- the humid evenings and the drinks. Yes it's official. Sadrina misses Manila. Over the weekend, I spent 30 quid on bibingka, ginataan, halo-halo, boneless bangus & siopao (asado). Dude, 80 pesos ang Boy Bawang dito!!! UnF-ing-believable!!!!I soooh miss our exchanges over beer and amaretto sours. You are one of my tell-all confidantes back home, one of the few whom I trust implicitly. I love that we both share a passion for words and have dreams of someday influencing the literal world with our own kathang-isip (Ehem!). To carve a niche of ourselves and leave legacies of our half-truths behind. My friend, how is that dream coming along??? Better keep me posted and send me the final product. Or else I go home and kick your ass.
So here I am, allotting time, effort and my 40 pence on the matter of love life and the lot where YOU, my friend are concerned.
Good you've broken up with her. (Say what?!) She didn't really sound all that intellectually enticing to me, quite honestly. (You have to remember we've been buddies before we hit puberty so we go a long way back!!! And besides, I've never met her but from what I know of her, seeing how you two've broken up I see no reason to hold back my emotional resonance on the matters of YOUR heart. (Haha!) I've always known you to have an artist's heart, and your penchant for inspiration (no matter how illusory) reigns supreme. And I know your kind so well, because we are of the same mold. LIke you, I have a dreamer's heart and I make no pretenses about my search for romance and happy-ever-after. Maybe this idealism makes you of the frustrated lot, but I reckon, this is what sets you apart. At least you gave it one last shot by having a Hong Kong holiday. All that dimsum did the romance no good. (No kinky sex with chopsticks as accompaniment??) All that jest aside (I am assuming that by 3rd paragraph you have had your fill of my dry humour!!!), as we mature, I think singlehood and independence become the bittersweet pill in the sense that both become harder to give up, although the lonely reality of the former can be too damning sometimes. Mahirap talaga yan pero ganyan talaga. But I am curious, tears? You? Di naman mababaw ang luha mo e. Unless you had estrogen-infused brownies prior to the exchange. Hmmm...a most curious development.
You know, I've learned that although there are things you must never go back to, I also believe that timing is what sets an experience apart from another.
Time.
Time.
Time.
So I cannot emphasize it enough. Give yourself time to grieve. Give yourself time to let go. Somewhere in the exercise, there will be pain, anger and self-pity, but don't dwell too much on the emotional side of things. Shakespeare has said that "Everyone can master a grief but he that has it."-- so at the risk of sounding like a self-righteous biA*** who knows nada about your feelings, I will tell you facts remembered from previous correspondence. Without reverting to your previous email, I can say that the singular information that stuck to my mind was that she was a voracious reader...NOT!!! That in itself makes you worlds apart from the (undecided) ex. The other thing was her seeming affinity for jealousy. And you my friend know, still and all, I bear the brunt of the green eyed monster. Four years it has been. Sure, the physical scars heal. IT is the trauma left over in increments that tweak your psyche and make you more 'praning'. The ultimate end-all for me is simply put, if you have to contend with jealousy as a part of the relationship then the trust is questionnable. Not yours. HERS. And if the trust is not solid, no ifs and buts. Move on. You know what I've been through. I've learned the hard way. So if you can contend witha lifetime of jealousy, be my guest, but dude, don't say I didn't give you the yellow light for the green emotion. Di ako nagkulang ha.
The ''How Am I?" question that ends your email will receive a response in a couple. You know where to reach me anytime so just gimme a shout.
Smile Harding. You'll find your silver lining soon enough. So till then. Stay hopeful.
x
Besos
S
13.9.08
Place in the Sun
(I am the one in the middle!)
This was a pic taken by Margie of us friends playing on the beach. We were killing time and decided to play hopscotch! Uni days long gone. We were all so young and so foolish. But we didn't care.
Wonderful memories can only make a person smile and move foward.
I just know I will bull's eye in on my sun spot.
One of these days.
Detox the Ffffreak in Me
I met a healer on the train on my way to the Barrio Fiesta. On a trainride that I wasn't supposed to go on till I realized that it was my train. I made a mad dash hoping to make it. And make it I did! Looked around for a nice place to settle and sat myself beside a bloke looking out the window. I didn't really pay him any heed at the start, but when the trains stopped at Hendon, I realized with disbelief that I might've forgotten my newly-bought pack of cigs atop the counter of the off-license (Bloody hell!). So as I tweedled and fumbled, the bloke started eying me with open curiosity, Taking a cue from his fascinated look, I asked him if he saw me come in with my pack. He said he didn't, then that set off the chatting. He said he worked at an off-license before and it did happen that some people left their packs on the counter. I told him I couldn't believe I had done anything so stupid!!! He laughed and said it could happen to anyone.
So I asked him if he smoked. He said he didn't. And intimated that it was a sign to give it up since smoking was no good for me anyway. Then he opened up and told me he was a healer.
"Which means what?" I asked him, curious now.
Apparently to be a healer means a variety of things to a variety of different people. One very good healer was Tony Perez, who was my professor in Shamanism. Kay, my ex-flatmate was also practicing to become a healer. I reckon this one took his craft as seriously as the other two.
Before you check into the Clarity Clinic you have to be open and receptive to a lot of things. I personally think I am very spiritual, but not to the point that-
I didn't drink alcohol. (Teetotaler)
Or take coffee. (Non-caffeine ingesting. Uh-oh! Check my Fafafini files!!!)
Or smoke.
Or eat chocolate. (I am a founding member of Chocoholics Anon!)
One thing he does is follow the vegetarian diet.
I claim to finding the Garden Variety Healer!!!
Come to think of it, he can actually go through FDA inspection and I am confident he'd get the
seal of approval.
Can you get any more new age than that???
Apart from the alcohol which I can give up with ease (although the sour amarettos do tempt me to dip into the alcoholic ink once in a good while...), sat opposite him, I was a smoking, meat-eating, caffeine addict who loved her chocolate. It was like Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy on crack! Except that I was the one on all the horrendous substances on my checklist. If ever one had a 'shrinking violet' moment, that would have been mine.
But his enthusiasm was infectious and his body language was open. And as far as violets go, I am sure that my good heart and intentions far outweigh my numerous vices. (Right.)
His name was Wayne and he was a 26 year old healer from St Albans. Two stops from me. Healer man meant to come heal me of my addictions. Whoopeeeeeee!!
Said he sensed that I was very spiritual and that I shouldn't feel bad about being what I was because the choices he made for himself were not imposed on other people. We walked out of the West Hampstead station and exchanged digits. He offered to meet up with me and give me a reading soon.
As we passed the West Hampstead Overground we said cheery goodbyes and 10 seconds later, he called after me to say he should take the Jubilee (the one I was taking) to Richmond. I told him I was going to the Barrio Fiesta in Hounslow and uhmmm eat lechon kawali (fried fatty pork), among other things.
So we went on chatting. We clicked. Obviously. It was very good banter and I could tell we were equally enthused that we were both into the whole spiritual thing. When I was about to get off at Green Park, the announcement came that everyone was to get off at this same stop and wait for trains to bring them to their destination. Unbelievable. It almost felt like we were brought together by fate. It was a whirling experience and I had to kind of wheel myself away from him. It wasn't romantic at all. More auric than anything else.
All that aside, meeting a healer was a fab experience. I must admit that I've tried countless times to be a vegetarian (but failed). I've quit smoking but a birthday celebratory fag got me back to my nicotine fix again. The coffee I can give up a step at a time. But the fag and eating veggie are definitely priorities. The former to cease and the latter to start.
Let's stay tuned to this detox exercise.
x
So I asked him if he smoked. He said he didn't. And intimated that it was a sign to give it up since smoking was no good for me anyway. Then he opened up and told me he was a healer.
"Which means what?" I asked him, curious now.
Apparently to be a healer means a variety of things to a variety of different people. One very good healer was Tony Perez, who was my professor in Shamanism. Kay, my ex-flatmate was also practicing to become a healer. I reckon this one took his craft as seriously as the other two.
Before you check into the Clarity Clinic you have to be open and receptive to a lot of things. I personally think I am very spiritual, but not to the point that-
I didn't drink alcohol. (Teetotaler)
Or take coffee. (Non-caffeine ingesting. Uh-oh! Check my Fafafini files!!!)
Or smoke.
Or eat chocolate. (I am a founding member of Chocoholics Anon!)
One thing he does is follow the vegetarian diet.
I claim to finding the Garden Variety Healer!!!
Come to think of it, he can actually go through FDA inspection and I am confident he'd get the
seal of approval.Can you get any more new age than that???
Apart from the alcohol which I can give up with ease (although the sour amarettos do tempt me to dip into the alcoholic ink once in a good while...), sat opposite him, I was a smoking, meat-eating, caffeine addict who loved her chocolate. It was like Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy on crack! Except that I was the one on all the horrendous substances on my checklist. If ever one had a 'shrinking violet' moment, that would have been mine.
But his enthusiasm was infectious and his body language was open. And as far as violets go, I am sure that my good heart and intentions far outweigh my numerous vices. (Right.)
His name was Wayne and he was a 26 year old healer from St Albans. Two stops from me. Healer man meant to come heal me of my addictions. Whoopeeeeeee!!
Said he sensed that I was very spiritual and that I shouldn't feel bad about being what I was because the choices he made for himself were not imposed on other people. We walked out of the West Hampstead station and exchanged digits. He offered to meet up with me and give me a reading soon.
As we passed the West Hampstead Overground we said cheery goodbyes and 10 seconds later, he called after me to say he should take the Jubilee (the one I was taking) to Richmond. I told him I was going to the Barrio Fiesta in Hounslow and uhmmm eat lechon kawali (fried fatty pork), among other things.
So we went on chatting. We clicked. Obviously. It was very good banter and I could tell we were equally enthused that we were both into the whole spiritual thing. When I was about to get off at Green Park, the announcement came that everyone was to get off at this same stop and wait for trains to bring them to their destination. Unbelievable. It almost felt like we were brought together by fate. It was a whirling experience and I had to kind of wheel myself away from him. It wasn't romantic at all. More auric than anything else.
All that aside, meeting a healer was a fab experience. I must admit that I've tried countless times to be a vegetarian (but failed). I've quit smoking but a birthday celebratory fag got me back to my nicotine fix again. The coffee I can give up a step at a time. But the fag and eating veggie are definitely priorities. The former to cease and the latter to start.
Let's stay tuned to this detox exercise.
x
12.9.08
the I.T. Man with the Golden Mean
Today mid-afternoon, our officially I.T. guy, the ever-efficient James, has become one of our regular weekend fixtures at work. He's been IN 2 Friday afternoons in a row now. And each time, the conversation between he, Yvette and I gets more laugh-out-loud than the last. In hindsight, I am usually the listener in the trio because I always like to hear the views of men more than women. (Women can talk SHIT too you know.) 在我同事其中有一位喜欢上了他. 我也怪不得她因这位帅哥的性格挺好的. Shame she's out of the office and he's been in maybe thrice this week. But the crush is not surprising. To that point, I must admit that I've been here a month short of a year and I confirm that he is one of the better looking blokes I've seen this side of the world. It has to be said though that my colleague 周. did have to point out to me that he was quite a looker before it registered in mine eyes. (Slower than slow, that's me!!!) I'm always the individual with the delayed reaction where men are concerned. That was the case then. This is the case NOW. It might be a case of oneness with mundaneness. I'm so used to the males as mates and have way too many guy friends that I've started seeing them all the same way. Not a bad thing as I've gotten on very well with them. There's delay that I just seem not to sit up and notice in general the quality kinda men who need noticing. (Which is what the girls that surround me are for!!!)
But I digress.
Today he, Yvette and I talked about relationships. Can you imagine? The I.T. expert (cool geek) was tinkering away on the software and giving out love-advice in the interim. (I know so few men who multitask.) Funnily, the I.T. guy was actually very forthcoming about his own relationship as well. Yvette is officially partnered in 24 days. I am officially single. And he is officially in what is known as "It's Complicated.'' Truth be told, insight (his) was in plain view as he shelled out the goods where love advice was concerned. Advice was very good considering he was a dude. I think he's actually a lot deeper than most men I've spoken to. I wish 周 could have been there to hear his views. She would absolutely swandive and fall head over her high heels. But alas! I am not one to kiss and tell all, so that said she may actually have to wait for the next Dr. Love session with James the I.T. guy. I was telling him not to ruin my romantic illusions and he told me to just stop looking for romance. Much to my chagrin and misbegotten romantic wide-eyed inclination, he said that romance should not be expected to come through my door in its obvious context. That I should stop thinking romance will happen at first glance. Because he swears that it will happen, but it will come when you are not looking. Romance does not happen on the onslaught of meeting THE one, it comes when you least expect with someone who with constant interaction becomes THE ONE.
Salient point, my good man!
So to our I.T. guy James (who will never read this!), a round of drinks on me for two jobs well done. Activating the connector that lets me finally have our database on my PC (which is an already orgasmic pre-weekend feat!). More importantly for talking sense into this stubborn git about love, romance and the lot. It has taken a while for the penny to drop, but yes, it has dropped. You've popped the love cherry by dropping the penny. Thanks.
x
But I digress.
Today he, Yvette and I talked about relationships. Can you imagine? The I.T. expert (cool geek) was tinkering away on the software and giving out love-advice in the interim. (I know so few men who multitask.) Funnily, the I.T. guy was actually very forthcoming about his own relationship as well. Yvette is officially partnered in 24 days. I am officially single. And he is officially in what is known as "It's Complicated.'' Truth be told, insight (his) was in plain view as he shelled out the goods where love advice was concerned. Advice was very good considering he was a dude. I think he's actually a lot deeper than most men I've spoken to. I wish 周 could have been there to hear his views. She would absolutely swandive and fall head over her high heels. But alas! I am not one to kiss and tell all, so that said she may actually have to wait for the next Dr. Love session with James the I.T. guy. I was telling him not to ruin my romantic illusions and he told me to just stop looking for romance. Much to my chagrin and misbegotten romantic wide-eyed inclination, he said that romance should not be expected to come through my door in its obvious context. That I should stop thinking romance will happen at first glance. Because he swears that it will happen, but it will come when you are not looking. Romance does not happen on the onslaught of meeting THE one, it comes when you least expect with someone who with constant interaction becomes THE ONE.
Salient point, my good man!
So to our I.T. guy James (who will never read this!), a round of drinks on me for two jobs well done. Activating the connector that lets me finally have our database on my PC (which is an already orgasmic pre-weekend feat!). More importantly for talking sense into this stubborn git about love, romance and the lot. It has taken a while for the penny to drop, but yes, it has dropped. You've popped the love cherry by dropping the penny. Thanks.
x
11.9.08
"Dinner mo MUKHA mo!!!"
(as I am famous for my passionately yours Filipino, this phrase literally translates to "(you can) Have dinner with your FACE" in more blatantly derogatory terms...)
Carlo called me today.
He was the first bloke I dated this year. Italian, mid30s, well-traveled. Works in finance. We had drinks at a pub along Gloucester Rd. back in the day when I was residingin Fulham and doing downtime recept at Fitness First in the tres chic South Kensington area. A very cosmopolitan area where the V&A Museum sits. Sooh...his name was Carlo. Born in Verona, Italy where the ill-fated lovers Romeo and Juliet story was set! Nice to look at, and not-as-lovely to hold, he was a bit standoffish and had a fiery erratic temper. A bit loud as well, I remember how on our 1st 2 dates he would just make me want to crawl under the ground. Just because. But worst of it was that sometimes in the middle of the conversation, he'd just cut me off. And I'd tell him off. He'd laugh and tell me I had guts. (That I do!!!) And sometimes he would be rude to shopboys (but never to shopgirls hahahah!). But I think his rudeness wasn't intentional. I always thought it had more to do with cultural uniqueness and we all get misinterpreted.
I did like seeing him ( the *KILIG* factor was there...very very slight, but present nonetheless) because we had good conversations. He liked Steinbeck and I loved British authors and he always made fun of my romantic notions (yes I am famous for it!!!) And though, he was a bit moody and erratic, he was damn funny as well. In the end, there was no point seeing him because he was leaving London. Plus he did say tell me a story about an affair with a married woman that put me OFF so I decided never to see him again. He couldn't have been the one if he was into casual sex. And the excuse that 'she came to my house to see me...' didn't really cut it.
So today he called me. And after not having heard from him for almost half a year- he left the first quarter of this year to start up a business in Yemen and he told me yesterday he has since been and is now working in Dubai as a financial who da F*** cares. He said to me before flying that we'd be friends and keep in touch. But keeping in touch is going out of your way to keep the communication going. Even if it means being inconvenienced. And HE didn't make the effort. (Isn't the effort what makes all the difference in keeping friendships after all?)
So today...out of the blue, he calls. Said he wanted to catch up and have dinner and drinks in W Hampstead as he was going to be in town for the next four days. (Catch up-in mo mukha mo!!!) I let him ramble on while I was updating some fact sheets and said I'd get back to him. (ULOL!!!)
When we put down the phone, at my colleague Yvette's suggested, I entered him as DON'T ANSWER! went about my work. Work was ok today and at around half 2, I sent the standard SMS, "Thanks for the invite tonight. Can't make dinner plans. Don't eat dinner anyway. Have a nice weekend." So there. Short, simple and polite.
And at around half 8, DON'T ANSWER! called. But his name said it all. So I didn't and don't intend to. Not this weekend! Not ever!
I would have made the effort if he did, but seeing that he didn't, I don't see why I had to now. I don't have time for wolf in sheep's clothing. I've seen enough of them with my boss' ex-partners so no wolves zeroing on my private life as well. I keep a very small life and I always welcome new friends in. But people have to be genuine to make the cut and surprisingly, a lot of them, despite being of legal age, are quite simply, not.
Carlo called me today.
He was the first bloke I dated this year. Italian, mid30s, well-traveled. Works in finance. We had drinks at a pub along Gloucester Rd. back in the day when I was residingin Fulham and doing downtime recept at Fitness First in the tres chic South Kensington area. A very cosmopolitan area where the V&A Museum sits. Sooh...his name was Carlo. Born in Verona, Italy where the ill-fated lovers Romeo and Juliet story was set! Nice to look at, and not-as-lovely to hold, he was a bit standoffish and had a fiery erratic temper. A bit loud as well, I remember how on our 1st 2 dates he would just make me want to crawl under the ground. Just because. But worst of it was that sometimes in the middle of the conversation, he'd just cut me off. And I'd tell him off. He'd laugh and tell me I had guts. (That I do!!!) And sometimes he would be rude to shopboys (but never to shopgirls hahahah!). But I think his rudeness wasn't intentional. I always thought it had more to do with cultural uniqueness and we all get misinterpreted.
I did like seeing him ( the *KILIG* factor was there...very very slight, but present nonetheless) because we had good conversations. He liked Steinbeck and I loved British authors and he always made fun of my romantic notions (yes I am famous for it!!!) And though, he was a bit moody and erratic, he was damn funny as well. In the end, there was no point seeing him because he was leaving London. Plus he did say tell me a story about an affair with a married woman that put me OFF so I decided never to see him again. He couldn't have been the one if he was into casual sex. And the excuse that 'she came to my house to see me...' didn't really cut it.
So today he called me. And after not having heard from him for almost half a year- he left the first quarter of this year to start up a business in Yemen and he told me yesterday he has since been and is now working in Dubai as a financial who da F*** cares. He said to me before flying that we'd be friends and keep in touch. But keeping in touch is going out of your way to keep the communication going. Even if it means being inconvenienced. And HE didn't make the effort. (Isn't the effort what makes all the difference in keeping friendships after all?)
So today...out of the blue, he calls. Said he wanted to catch up and have dinner and drinks in W Hampstead as he was going to be in town for the next four days. (Catch up-in mo mukha mo!!!) I let him ramble on while I was updating some fact sheets and said I'd get back to him. (ULOL!!!)
When we put down the phone, at my colleague Yvette's suggested, I entered him as DON'T ANSWER! went about my work. Work was ok today and at around half 2, I sent the standard SMS, "Thanks for the invite tonight. Can't make dinner plans. Don't eat dinner anyway. Have a nice weekend." So there. Short, simple and polite.
And at around half 8, DON'T ANSWER! called. But his name said it all. So I didn't and don't intend to. Not this weekend! Not ever!
I would have made the effort if he did, but seeing that he didn't, I don't see why I had to now. I don't have time for wolf in sheep's clothing. I've seen enough of them with my boss' ex-partners so no wolves zeroing on my private life as well. I keep a very small life and I always welcome new friends in. But people have to be genuine to make the cut and surprisingly, a lot of them, despite being of legal age, are quite simply, not.
10.9.08
The Fa'afafine Files
(no thanks to mid afternoon caffeine!!!)--> Or aptly put, superdooper T-H-A-N-K-S to the shell shocking effects of the Ristretto caffeine that turned my bad day around?!?
OH。OH。OH。
I had such a rough-and-tumble day at work. As I went on my way, after my colleague Lucy & I had said our goodbyes, I went to the nearby Caffe Nero and downed a doppio espresso to go. I figured day was so bad, it was only caffeine that could turn the day drastically around- as it turns out-- I GOT MORE THAN I BARGAINED FOR!!!
I looked into my trusty ol Mac and tinkered with the camera, and the caffeine-infused rush (SHOCK?!?) started out innocently enough 。。。
This is a 'sample' shot of me with deux shots of espresso ristretto looking into the camera and testing the 'waters.' (May nalalaman pang sample shot ha!!)
。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 and the caffeine peak 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。
This shot looks very Miss Saigon-y. That you are Sunlight ... and I moon... bit. But I am playing the movie in my mind as a lonestar as my 'Chris' is still lost in translation.
And suddenly 。。。
"Nakanganga!!!"
Here's the fine Leonine with THAT extra-Oomph of sunshine!
。。。but I would have to say that the utter shock (horror really!) was when I saw-
THE Epitome of Fafafini (Kainis!)
Definition of the Term:
Fafafini (Samoan - Fa'afafine) is a third gender specific to Samoan culture. Fafafini are biologically men who have been raised to assume female gender roles since early childhood. (A-K-more crudely-A, Transgender amp!!!)
A huge huge huge shoutout to my Vegas ciccia E who couldn't help but LOL when she saw the pics and for helping me choose the ones that made the Fa'afafine Final Laff Fix!!! (Even at the expense of being caught in the act by their Fafafini recep!!)!
As the day comes to a close, I realise that there are a slew of bad days--YES, but it all changes when your mind's eye dwells on the POSITIVE.
Have a good laugh at yourself (just as I did!!!)
All's well that ends well。 Live on, LAUGH ON!!!
x
OH。OH。OH。
I had such a rough-and-tumble day at work. As I went on my way, after my colleague Lucy & I had said our goodbyes, I went to the nearby Caffe Nero and downed a doppio espresso to go. I figured day was so bad, it was only caffeine that could turn the day drastically around- as it turns out-- I GOT MORE THAN I BARGAINED FOR!!!
I looked into my trusty ol Mac and tinkered with the camera, and the caffeine-infused rush (SHOCK?!?) started out innocently enough 。。。
This is a 'sample' shot of me with deux shots of espresso ristretto looking into the camera and testing the 'waters.' (May nalalaman pang sample shot ha!!)。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 and the caffeine peak 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。
This shot looks very Miss Saigon-y. That you are Sunlight ... and I moon... bit. But I am playing the movie in my mind as a lonestar as my 'Chris' is still lost in translation.And suddenly 。。。
"Nakanganga!!!"
Here's the fine Leonine with THAT extra-Oomph of sunshine!。。。but I would have to say that the utter shock (horror really!) was when I saw-
THE Epitome of Fafafini (Kainis!)
Definition of the Term:
Fafafini (Samoan - Fa'afafine) is a third gender specific to Samoan culture. Fafafini are biologically men who have been raised to assume female gender roles since early childhood. (A-K-more crudely-A, Transgender amp!!!)
A huge huge huge shoutout to my Vegas ciccia E who couldn't help but LOL when she saw the pics and for helping me choose the ones that made the Fa'afafine Final Laff Fix!!! (Even at the expense of being caught in the act by their Fafafini recep!!)!
As the day comes to a close, I realise that there are a slew of bad days--YES, but it all changes when your mind's eye dwells on the POSITIVE.
Have a good laugh at yourself (just as I did!!!)
All's well that ends well。 Live on, LAUGH ON!!!
x
9.9.08
The Prayer of the Listening Heart: A Reflection
One of my friends attended a retreat back home recently. I read her blog with keen interest because she is quite well-rounded and her views on life, simply put are quite infectious. Blog after blog, I wonder about her activities, traipsing from one adventure to the next. This is what she is busy with now. Pensivity at its finest.
See what she has to say http://melissaftong.blogspot.com/2008/09/prayer-of-listening-heart.html
REFLECTION: As I've been left to my own designs since Autumn07, I've been carrying the same boatload of thoughts. More now than ever before- and the last couple of weeks have been an ongoing process. Not a case of dilly-dallying.
I've been garnering questions that lead me step-by-step to my life's purpose. I have in my mind's eye the eternal question mark. Still and all, I see how far i've come and how much more I've to go. Someone asked me recently why I wouldn't consider going back home? He says I've obviously already learned what I needed to learn.
It is in these subtle moments that I see God's designs in my life. So in answer I posed a question- when do you get to that point when you realize learning stops? Does learning ever really stop? Or does it ever stunt you?
If I do head home (and I do think of it constantly), what waits for me? More questions to my already endless array of questions. (Annoying I know.)
Truly, he didn't have a response that satieted my penchant for inquisition. (Come to think of it, he consented silently).
So speechless that the subject was changed. But I do have an answer.
Learning never stops. It is as ongoing as our breath. But having said that, I do know that I stand to learn regardless of where I go. To a point, he is right. I feel I have learned all that I didn't when I was in Manila. Life had been so easy. It was all an illusion. But when the blinders came off, I realized I couldn't go back and be the old me anymore. I was the personification of the Allegory of the Cave.
All these thoughts don't sound very Sadrina, do they? But in the grand scheme of things, I believe we all fit. Timing is always of the essence. The never-ending pieces of the puzzle all come together in varying degrees at various times in our lives.
Always the eternal optimist, I believe individuals must move forward with a few simple truths passed down by their parents. This basic truths will hold them together... until social interplay complicates it further at some point in the teenage years. That youth may have to be wasted on the young, for the youth to grow into maturity...a necessary semi-evil?!
And when the age of reason comes in due course, you become a mishmash of all things sensible. In the end personal truths come through and we simply choose to bin it in the dark recesses of your mind into the alley of experience. (And what a wide alley it can be!!!)
Aside from learning so much, realization did happen at some point. I am more relaxed if things are different from the way I see them.
I know firsthand the sacrifices of keeping mum.
I see the beauty of an open-mind, although I find comfort in tradition (within reason).
I'm loving the consistency of good judgement.
Yes, still stubborn. Yes, still stalwart. And yes, still painstakingly passionate.
But I've since overhauled and simplified. There's NO "my way or the highway" mentality anymore. This has since beenr replaced with the politically correct term- Compromise.).
In the quiet of loneliness, solitude became apparent and appreciated. I didn't learn anything the easy way- but I did get a lot of help along the way. From London to Vegas to Paris to Japan to Pinas to Shanghai to BC-- there are a slew of individuals to thank for the NOW. So, I'm not in the meantime anymore. I've passed with flying colours. I'm officially OUT!!!
The quiet used to be an uncomfortable quest for me. I always thought it was for the singular purpose of sleep (really)! My nature is very dynamic, refuses to stay p-u-t. Sitting still for a long time bores me. But I've since then learned to reflect, thanks to Kay-chan (the one from Japan!). Each night was a different thought but the goal was simply to reflect.. Every night before I sleep, I do pray and am one with silence. Moreso that I share comfortable silence with myself. Because I've found it to be true, that if you still yourself long enough, you will realize that God uses that stillness to lull you into understanding His plans for you.
x
See what she has to say http://melissaftong.blogspot.com/2008/09/prayer-of-listening-heart.html
REFLECTION: As I've been left to my own designs since Autumn07, I've been carrying the same boatload of thoughts. More now than ever before- and the last couple of weeks have been an ongoing process. Not a case of dilly-dallying.
I've been garnering questions that lead me step-by-step to my life's purpose. I have in my mind's eye the eternal question mark. Still and all, I see how far i've come and how much more I've to go. Someone asked me recently why I wouldn't consider going back home? He says I've obviously already learned what I needed to learn.
It is in these subtle moments that I see God's designs in my life. So in answer I posed a question- when do you get to that point when you realize learning stops? Does learning ever really stop? Or does it ever stunt you?
If I do head home (and I do think of it constantly), what waits for me? More questions to my already endless array of questions. (Annoying I know.)
Truly, he didn't have a response that satieted my penchant for inquisition. (Come to think of it, he consented silently).
So speechless that the subject was changed. But I do have an answer.
Learning never stops. It is as ongoing as our breath. But having said that, I do know that I stand to learn regardless of where I go. To a point, he is right. I feel I have learned all that I didn't when I was in Manila. Life had been so easy. It was all an illusion. But when the blinders came off, I realized I couldn't go back and be the old me anymore. I was the personification of the Allegory of the Cave.
All these thoughts don't sound very Sadrina, do they? But in the grand scheme of things, I believe we all fit. Timing is always of the essence. The never-ending pieces of the puzzle all come together in varying degrees at various times in our lives.
Always the eternal optimist, I believe individuals must move forward with a few simple truths passed down by their parents. This basic truths will hold them together... until social interplay complicates it further at some point in the teenage years. That youth may have to be wasted on the young, for the youth to grow into maturity...a necessary semi-evil?!
And when the age of reason comes in due course, you become a mishmash of all things sensible. In the end personal truths come through and we simply choose to bin it in the dark recesses of your mind into the alley of experience. (And what a wide alley it can be!!!)
Aside from learning so much, realization did happen at some point. I am more relaxed if things are different from the way I see them.
I know firsthand the sacrifices of keeping mum.
I see the beauty of an open-mind, although I find comfort in tradition (within reason).
I'm loving the consistency of good judgement.
Yes, still stubborn. Yes, still stalwart. And yes, still painstakingly passionate.
But I've since overhauled and simplified. There's NO "my way or the highway" mentality anymore. This has since beenr replaced with the politically correct term- Compromise.).
In the quiet of loneliness, solitude became apparent and appreciated. I didn't learn anything the easy way- but I did get a lot of help along the way. From London to Vegas to Paris to Japan to Pinas to Shanghai to BC-- there are a slew of individuals to thank for the NOW. So, I'm not in the meantime anymore. I've passed with flying colours. I'm officially OUT!!!
The quiet used to be an uncomfortable quest for me. I always thought it was for the singular purpose of sleep (really)! My nature is very dynamic, refuses to stay p-u-t. Sitting still for a long time bores me. But I've since then learned to reflect, thanks to Kay-chan (the one from Japan!). Each night was a different thought but the goal was simply to reflect.. Every night before I sleep, I do pray and am one with silence. Moreso that I share comfortable silence with myself. Because I've found it to be true, that if you still yourself long enough, you will realize that God uses that stillness to lull you into understanding His plans for you.
x
8.9.08
Random Flashfront
I was looking at a random video of a local church today on youtube. I couldn't help but think what it would be like to stand in the midst of that peaceful scene with friends who've seen me through my worst and my amazingly supportive family and marry THE man of my dreams! Just the thought warms me. That Someone who will fill my life with color and so much laughter as my past fades and my future steers clearly into a happy ending that goes on and on and on...
I know love begets love and I know that despite all the troughs, I never once succumbed to the tempting flavours of casual quickies ( not in Asia and certainly not in Europe!!!) for that very reason: I want to be able to relish the experience of falling in love and rising to the expectations of the long awaited happy ending. Long-awaited means he's out there, finding me as I wait in my quiet counter.
The idealism steers me away from the tempestuous whims that is commonplace to everyone.
They say ASK.
Ask and you shall receive.
I am asking for a prayerful/God-fearing/superstitious wonderboy of a man who will fill my days and nights with laugh out loud moments, who will see why dancing is my necessary evil, why mass songs quiet me despite my tone-deaf persona, why karaoke rules supreme, why some days it's only OPM that seals the deal, why Bottega Veneta is better than LV, why the sun-flasher in me thrives in the coldness that is London, and why I am to be trusted just because。
I saw a rainbow today。 And I remembered。 To trust in the goodness of my intentions。
TRUST is what friendship is all about and I intend for this relationship to be with my best friend, stuntman, reliever, lover and pet。 All in ONE. Bak says I am looking for the impossible. Robs say wake up and smell the coffee。 A lot of my friends tell me to give up the grandiose dreams of ROMANCE。 But I say nay。
Because I believe HE is out there。And that my Leonine idealism is damn worth it。
x o x o
I know love begets love and I know that despite all the troughs, I never once succumbed to the tempting flavours of casual quickies ( not in Asia and certainly not in Europe!!!) for that very reason: I want to be able to relish the experience of falling in love and rising to the expectations of the long awaited happy ending. Long-awaited means he's out there, finding me as I wait in my quiet counter.
The idealism steers me away from the tempestuous whims that is commonplace to everyone.
They say ASK.
Ask and you shall receive.
I am asking for a prayerful/God-fearing/superstitious wonderboy of a man who will fill my days and nights with laugh out loud moments, who will see why dancing is my necessary evil, why mass songs quiet me despite my tone-deaf persona, why karaoke rules supreme, why some days it's only OPM that seals the deal, why Bottega Veneta is better than LV, why the sun-flasher in me thrives in the coldness that is London, and why I am to be trusted just because。
I saw a rainbow today。 And I remembered。 To trust in the goodness of my intentions。
TRUST is what friendship is all about and I intend for this relationship to be with my best friend, stuntman, reliever, lover and pet。 All in ONE. Bak says I am looking for the impossible. Robs say wake up and smell the coffee。 A lot of my friends tell me to give up the grandiose dreams of ROMANCE。 But I say nay。
Because I believe HE is out there。And that my Leonine idealism is damn worth it。
x o x o
7.9.08
lutong Macau (?)
My beautiful friend Robbylyn (who makes the BEST sour amarettos bar none!)'s dirty kitchen resembles a mini Diao Eng Chay stand. (Kulang na lang mga sago drinks and you're in business love!!!)
Hahahahah! Chili sauce ba yan? OMG Robs!!!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
A few hours earlier, I was just looking at FB's 'I Love Pinoy Application' and can't help but miss the familiar. Boy Bawang. Oishi. Halo halo. CRISPY PATA. Tokwa't baboy. Fishball.
(Uh-oh. Someone's getting homesick.)
6.9.08
忍耐 （Resilience)
这几天来工作情况不是挺好的。 跟我联系的人都对我很不公平。 真受不了！ 在加上我房东一天比一天讲话没到理，快气死我了。 跟妈吗讲他对我的态度有点儿过份 。所以周末跟爸妈讲住宿的问题, 我说心有点难过和生气。
My mom and I have a great relationship. As with my confidantes, I don't sugarcoat and attempt to make myself look good so I uttered expletives in her hearing presence. We got cut at some point and I said I would call again in half an hour. I think Karma heard my resounding anger reverberate in the high heavens and decided that I shall speak no more.
Moments later, I was surprised to hear my dad's voice on the other line with subtle urgency telling me that I should not speak in that very uncouth manner. (My mom maintains I simply should speak English as I speak like a proper lady haha!). The mother-alarm sounded when my dad went on to say that I was a very nice person when I left Pinas and that just because they're not beside me in Londra it didn't mean it was acceptable to start sounding like the evil-kinevil alter-ego they never met. I could hear my mom in the background saying, ''You talk to her. She's so stubborn if I talk to her it will fall to deaf ears. You reason with her. She listens to you." While I hold no ill will with my mom's method of enlightening me, I was pleasantly surprised that I agreed with her. She was right. I don't remember how often she's told me that I was one of the nicest individuals she's met, but having said that my stubborness doesn't bend quite as easily. My problem wasn't being nice. It was bending to the whims of others. Once again, mothers do know best.
In all guilt-ridden silence, I listened to my daddy. He's openly agnostic (but secretly Buddhist, I'd like to believe haha!) but often speaks with such wisdom that I simply am humbled in his (again) hearing presence. He told me that maybe I should just see my shortcomings since I came from Pinas and didn't actually have housetraining instilled in me. I told him that I had been in the 新房屋有六周 and I distinctly remember 我已经丢了三次的垃圾所以，对我来说房东的道理根本讲得很没有道理。My daddy told me to bring it up nicely and ask for specific details- 甚么时候是我丢垃圾的责任， 在甚么地方可放东西。 These pieces of information, once asked, will sort out a lot of things and make it easier for everyone。 Daddy said I must be fed up by the constant rambling of the little things that I should be mindful because it is the little things that add up to become the big things that people often fight about. Once again he was accurate. He reminded me that it wasn't simply a matter of putting up/shutting up. It was putting up and shutting up WITHIN REASON. Communication solves everything provided that you are speaking with reasonable people. He told me that he saw how much I had grown up away from them in the last year or so, but that I should speak my mind when I have something to contribute. Then after he shoved the phone back to my mom and in the background I heard him say victoriously, "You're wrong. She listened and I think she got it." (Hahaha talk about me whilst I'm within earshot, WHY DON'T YOU???)
Which leads me to my thoughts in the here and now. Being with B and Go. made me a silent operator. It did. Much less now since I am more open about my feelings. I was happy that I had a chance to speak to Kay-chan today for more than a hour. She sounds well and seems to have adjusted to Japan. Happily I told her how I was. And how much I missed sharing a flat with her. I miss this Japanese lady as she has become a friend through and through. She told me about her H.O. frustrations and how life is in Japan. I finally told her about B and she told me that what happened with B wasn't my fault. B was just not open-minded enough to see me. And I had to tell myself that in the end there was nothing I could do to have prevented what had happened to us. She's right of course. I tell myself everyday and although it's easier, I think my men issues are getting sorted in bits and bobs in jolly ol Londra. (Jolly good!)
Happy to report that I found a pair of size 8 LONG linen pants from Dorothy Perkins for 7 quid!!! Not bad for someone who had no intention of doing any shopping today.
I plan to lie down all week this week because the last fortnight at work simply requires me to avoid moving till Monday comes around AGAIN. Laziness is sometimes a necessary evil, hahaha!
x
My mom and I have a great relationship. As with my confidantes, I don't sugarcoat and attempt to make myself look good so I uttered expletives in her hearing presence. We got cut at some point and I said I would call again in half an hour. I think Karma heard my resounding anger reverberate in the high heavens and decided that I shall speak no more.
Moments later, I was surprised to hear my dad's voice on the other line with subtle urgency telling me that I should not speak in that very uncouth manner. (My mom maintains I simply should speak English as I speak like a proper lady haha!). The mother-alarm sounded when my dad went on to say that I was a very nice person when I left Pinas and that just because they're not beside me in Londra it didn't mean it was acceptable to start sounding like the evil-kinevil alter-ego they never met. I could hear my mom in the background saying, ''You talk to her. She's so stubborn if I talk to her it will fall to deaf ears. You reason with her. She listens to you." While I hold no ill will with my mom's method of enlightening me, I was pleasantly surprised that I agreed with her. She was right. I don't remember how often she's told me that I was one of the nicest individuals she's met, but having said that my stubborness doesn't bend quite as easily. My problem wasn't being nice. It was bending to the whims of others. Once again, mothers do know best.
In all guilt-ridden silence, I listened to my daddy. He's openly agnostic (but secretly Buddhist, I'd like to believe haha!) but often speaks with such wisdom that I simply am humbled in his (again) hearing presence. He told me that maybe I should just see my shortcomings since I came from Pinas and didn't actually have housetraining instilled in me. I told him that I had been in the 新房屋有六周 and I distinctly remember 我已经丢了三次的垃圾所以，对我来说房东的道理根本讲得很没有道理。My daddy told me to bring it up nicely and ask for specific details- 甚么时候是我丢垃圾的责任， 在甚么地方可放东西。 These pieces of information, once asked, will sort out a lot of things and make it easier for everyone。 Daddy said I must be fed up by the constant rambling of the little things that I should be mindful because it is the little things that add up to become the big things that people often fight about. Once again he was accurate. He reminded me that it wasn't simply a matter of putting up/shutting up. It was putting up and shutting up WITHIN REASON. Communication solves everything provided that you are speaking with reasonable people. He told me that he saw how much I had grown up away from them in the last year or so, but that I should speak my mind when I have something to contribute. Then after he shoved the phone back to my mom and in the background I heard him say victoriously, "You're wrong. She listened and I think she got it." (Hahaha talk about me whilst I'm within earshot, WHY DON'T YOU???)
Which leads me to my thoughts in the here and now. Being with B and Go. made me a silent operator. It did. Much less now since I am more open about my feelings. I was happy that I had a chance to speak to Kay-chan today for more than a hour. She sounds well and seems to have adjusted to Japan. Happily I told her how I was. And how much I missed sharing a flat with her. I miss this Japanese lady as she has become a friend through and through. She told me about her H.O. frustrations and how life is in Japan. I finally told her about B and she told me that what happened with B wasn't my fault. B was just not open-minded enough to see me. And I had to tell myself that in the end there was nothing I could do to have prevented what had happened to us. She's right of course. I tell myself everyday and although it's easier, I think my men issues are getting sorted in bits and bobs in jolly ol Londra. (Jolly good!)
Happy to report that I found a pair of size 8 LONG linen pants from Dorothy Perkins for 7 quid!!! Not bad for someone who had no intention of doing any shopping today.
I plan to lie down all week this week because the last fortnight at work simply requires me to avoid moving till Monday comes around AGAIN. Laziness is sometimes a necessary evil, hahaha!
x
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