I'm sorry I never got back to you THAT time. I humbly apologise as I got stuck--in the middle of the reality of my life, halfway betwixt work AKA paying the bills, above the everyday chores (washing the dishes simultaneously with my laundry after cooking my 'baon' for lunch the following day)-- is this enough to drive you to the depths of guilt-ridden madness??? Well this is life as I know it here. So am I forgiven for not replying??? Sana naman no!
Well I meant to write you ASAP but got put off by your reminder to not send personal correspondence via office email (Why the hell not???). So next time you want my immediate response/attention, you can ease off with the pointed reminders, haha! Because I either write you at once upon receipt of your email or not at all. As you know, I'm quite the extremist. For others, I allot the HUGE benefit of a 'gray area,' though for myself, it's not quite as straightforward. I am much more stringent with Sadrina. It's either a YES or no, a DO IT or don't. Ahhh, such is life! I simplify to complicate. Didn't we always say that over drinks at the Fort???
I truly miss this part of the Fort. My Manila. Can you imagine, less than a year ago, it was a mere ten-minute walk from where I lived. Now it seems like a moment in my putaway heart. One that I dream to walk into again... forever. How I miss Manila- the humid evenings and the drinks. Yes it's official. Sadrina misses Manila. Over the weekend, I spent 30 quid on bibingka, ginataan, halo-halo, boneless bangus & siopao (asado). Dude, 80 pesos ang Boy Bawang dito!!! UnF-ing-believable!!!!I soooh miss our exchanges over beer and amaretto sours. You are one of my tell-all confidantes back home, one of the few whom I trust implicitly. I love that we both share a passion for words and have dreams of someday influencing the literal world with our own kathang-isip (Ehem!). To carve a niche of ourselves and leave legacies of our half-truths behind. My friend, how is that dream coming along??? Better keep me posted and send me the final product. Or else I go home and kick your ass.
So here I am, allotting time, effort and my 40 pence on the matter of love life and the lot where YOU, my friend are concerned.
Good you've broken up with her. (Say what?!) She didn't really sound all that intellectually enticing to me, quite honestly. (You have to remember we've been buddies before we hit puberty so we go a long way back!!! And besides, I've never met her but from what I know of her, seeing how you two've broken up I see no reason to hold back my emotional resonance on the matters of YOUR heart. (Haha!) I've always known you to have an artist's heart, and your penchant for inspiration (no matter how illusory) reigns supreme. And I know your kind so well, because we are of the same mold. LIke you, I have a dreamer's heart and I make no pretenses about my search for romance and happy-ever-after. Maybe this idealism makes you of the frustrated lot, but I reckon, this is what sets you apart. At least you gave it one last shot by having a Hong Kong holiday. All that dimsum did the romance no good. (No kinky sex with chopsticks as accompaniment??) All that jest aside (I am assuming that by 3rd paragraph you have had your fill of my dry humour!!!), as we mature, I think singlehood and independence become the bittersweet pill in the sense that both become harder to give up, although the lonely reality of the former can be too damning sometimes. Mahirap talaga yan pero ganyan talaga. But I am curious, tears? You? Di naman mababaw ang luha mo e. Unless you had estrogen-infused brownies prior to the exchange. Hmmm...a most curious development.
You know, I've learned that although there are things you must never go back to, I also believe that timing is what sets an experience apart from another.
Time.
Time.
Time.
So I cannot emphasize it enough. Give yourself time to grieve. Give yourself time to let go. Somewhere in the exercise, there will be pain, anger and self-pity, but don't dwell too much on the emotional side of things. Shakespeare has said that "Everyone can master a grief but he that has it."-- so at the risk of sounding like a self-righteous biA*** who knows nada about your feelings, I will tell you facts remembered from previous correspondence. Without reverting to your previous email, I can say that the singular information that stuck to my mind was that she was a voracious reader...NOT!!! That in itself makes you worlds apart from the (undecided) ex. The other thing was her seeming affinity for jealousy. And you my friend know, still and all, I bear the brunt of the green eyed monster. Four years it has been. Sure, the physical scars heal. IT is the trauma left over in increments that tweak your psyche and make you more 'praning'. The ultimate end-all for me is simply put, if you have to contend with jealousy as a part of the relationship then the trust is questionnable. Not yours. HERS. And if the trust is not solid, no ifs and buts. Move on. You know what I've been through. I've learned the hard way. So if you can contend witha lifetime of jealousy, be my guest, but dude, don't say I didn't give you the yellow light for the green emotion. Di ako nagkulang ha.
The ''How Am I?" question that ends your email will receive a response in a couple. You know where to reach me anytime so just gimme a shout.
Smile Harding. You'll find your silver lining soon enough. So till then. Stay hopeful.
x
Besos
S
