I was on the train today (as I am on most days, but today I had a thought). And travel takes up so much of my time that it drives me to do the inevitable- it gets me thinking. When it's not secretly people-watching or Sudoku that keeps me occupied, it's usually a string of random thoughts pulled together by emotions (mine) so intense that I find myself losing sleep (and for a sleepyhead like myself, that says a LOT). I often think of myself as a parody. I have beautiful illusions of the world in my mind yet no such illusions carry over where I am concerned. Why is that? Optimistic about every little thing but big 'ol me. The one thing I should be most optimistic about!!! I do hold the world in extremely high regard. I believe in happy endings...second chances...romance...laughter (not the kind that's at the expense of other people because that is so not cool!). Everything in my head appears more fantastic, phantasmic and always ultimately beautiful. Although I am often misinterpreted to be lackadaisical in my thinking and manner (the lazy lopsided smile and the slow and steady stride doesn't help, I reckon...) yet in all truthfulness (and the truth sets you free so I know I'm on the right track!), I feel I keep a lot of my emotions in me that sometimes I surprise myself. How I am touched by the smallest things and how easily I find beauty in the things that escape the human eye. A beautiful melody, a haunting line so apt to my life that it tugs at my heart, a memory long gone but still as vivid as ever, the sight of lovers whispering...so many little things that are gone in a nanosecond that they often occur unnoticed by the common tao. Maybe I am of the uncommon kind??? Could be.
Last week a stranger gave me a koala keychain from Oz. It felt so weird to be the recipient of such a gift. It is a talisman I carry with pride (my handbag clutches to it at least). A stranger I offered a seat to looking into her tired traveller peepers, lo and behold! It wasn't the first time I did it but I must admit it is a very novel thing for Londoners to watch in action. My parents would bonk me if I took a seat while silently watching someone slightly senior take the ramp. It does not happen on their watch, so why should I allow it to happen on mine? Anyway...back to my kewpie koala... I almost lost it once but a kindly man signaled to me and the koala which for a temporary moment found its way on the sordid Piccadilly trail left for dirt, came back to mama!! I've always been lucky with strangers (unlucky with love, lucky with strangers...incredible irony of my good fate with the unfamiliar! (Where's the brainstorm in that?) I told my friend R today how I felt I had no luck with love but that I believed love is loverlier the second time around (My fair Lady inspired line!). She said I was stronger than I cared to admit and that I was gonna find my very happy ever after/second chance because in mine eyes all things remained bright and beautiful.
It's been a fortnight since I did my laundry that my wardrobe's become a mish-mash of the dreaded threads I choose not to wear (Never really if I had my way). Ca**o! When friends ask me why I never get around to doing laundry I tell them with glee-- because my 'muse' (when he makes his way to my Rostrevor doorstep) will clean and cook and love me like there's no tomorrow. And I will finally understand that my yesterday had to happen because if it hadn't then I would not yearn for him the way I do now as I wait for him and his sturdy horse.
So to my modern manly muse- come hither! (OR as my colleague Nicky says-- Come the f*** on!!!)
x
S
