The older I get, the simpler I become yet my personal standards move a notch higher and suddenly, things are decidedly much more stringent than they used to be. It is an inverse equation of complexity, I daresay. I am glad that London fills my current life canvass. There is nowhere I'd rather be & no state I'd rather have than the here & now! I feel very at peace and I know I still have so much to learn-- sort of outside looking in on the whole culture, but with in fixed unique-to-self thinking that is open to change but not pressured to do so. Everything here may shout fair game-- so much so that I am glad I came when I did and not earlier, I am better able to temper all the crazy independence that is lain before me. (Di nako natatakam tulad ng dati.) I used to wish I came over earlier because it would mean, biological age in all consideration, I would have moved forward earlier. But I see now that the impeccable timing to come here just sealed the deal. It's genius and madness and now more than before, I am quite good at balancing the scales of nuttiness/saneness (Leo in Libra mode). My friend MLD has said to me, "Sorry love. I'm afraid anything can happen in London." Stated in the same-difference tone, I reckon in this case 'being afraid' may actually be a good thing. Every nook and cranny of the city is just enough to spiral me away into the chasms of a create-your-own-adventure pageturner. Thankfully, I am in much better shape to be flung into la-la-land now. "Adventure" has come to mean responsibility in action and stability of thinking as well.
When people are older, do we all truly become much wiser? I'd like to think yes...yet I feel it isn't always the case. I'm afraid in the next month this (wannabe) scribe turns a year older/wiser(?) again and it feels surreal. I have a long way to go and my worrier side currently takes centerstage. I am unconvinced that at the ripe old emotional age of 31, I've seen it all.. really. Really. Eternal optimist that I am, I am very fervent in the belief that I was born with means to an end- and it is to feel fully alive and be ridiculously happy. At such a young age, my parents had given me all that I wanted and much idyllic as it was, I was shielded from seeing the dogged realities of life. The forewalls of paradise. The world was always beautiful and shining until I defied their wishes and marred the pristine walls of perfection. So much of that perfect life is now a blur. I see the cracks now... yet I am as hopeful as ever. I believe that there is a purpose for the cracks which time will reveal in due course. The last 4 years may have been a difficult stage and I would not wish it on anyone, yet I feel that surviving it will make me sit and take notice of how I would live out the rest of my life as I move forward. I think now that I am best able to quantify happiness in all its fullness.
I remember in the lost days of my very very very innocent youth, I was happy 24/7. Till Mr Wild and Wicked Wind (permission to steal a line Chris Martin allegedly stole as well if we are to believe Londra gossip) happened, my life spiraled out of control and I was ill-equipped and forcefed Survival 101. It came to me almost immediately yet I didn't know what to do with it. I was young (and a LEO!!!) I wanted drama. I wanted tragedy. Denial. Pain. Tears. Sleepless nights. Vodka (which came pre-Bridget Jones' so her flick had nothing to do with it!). All the vulgar realities brought by one life-changing stimulus- the WWW (wild & wicked wind). The vodka I still want now and then, but the drama-- may it just rest in peace.
If I think about the four years when I was in between all that madness, I realise now that truly life goes on...despite the pain, the anger and the bad people who shit their pants silly on a bad night of inebriety.
My life's canvas is a work in progress...filled with so much sunniness. I choose to live it differently from a leap year ago. Yet the perfect past and the not-so-distant stains are as much a part of me as the future. I set out into the unknown reinforced with so many things, but I know wherever I end up, it will be a meaningful and positive upward stream from this point on. It will be smiling, shining and new because now that the ''crack stage'' is over, the best is here. At last!
All is bright and all is beautiful. It's my own personal recipe of 'life, liberty & pursuit of happiness' recipe-->> 成功, OPTIMISM, 钱!!!, PASSION, 和 谈恋爱。 狮子座知足根本不间单！！
