Blatant Do-Gooder

Sunday morning--

This pensive femme chatted with Wes and has intimated that she was on the lookout for a blantant do-gooder of a man.

He came back with a weekend shocker.

At approximately 0805 Londontime, I was told that there was no such individual on the face of the earth.

Say what?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

He said there were no innate do-gooder... that everyone does everything for a reason.
No one would do good for the heck of it. Out of the goodness of their heart.

Surely you jest Wes.

He says there is always a motive for someone to do something.
A means to an end.
A case of quid pro quo.
The rich donate money to get tax breaks.
Everyone takes a bite out of the pie of life, always taking what they can when they can.
It's madness- but it is dog-eat-dog world.
This is the world we thrive in.

Is it? Truly?
(I beg to differ. I BEG TO DIFFER!!!! This apple of discord has been stuck in my throat for quite sometime now. I am not about to choke on it and I am ready to spit it out!!)

Do-gooders are alive and well on this earth.
There aren't as many much as God would have liked- but be that as it may, they abound.
I've found my views to be augmented by a lot of the little nice everyday things that has happened to me in my lifetime.

I've been lost and found with the help of complete strangers.

I've found solace, often unsought but readily (and generously given) in my friends.

Most of all, family has been the staggering lifeblood of my idealism.

So yes.

Do-gooders do exist. They co-exist with the hoi polloi- but, they exist.
From a simple tube-hopping spree to a cabbie who spills strange love advice at four in the morning (It's not only Gwen Stefani singing to that tune!!!) SO- Yes baby: It's all good. The last Bank Holiday weekend, after a visit to the Bunster's digs, I got off the Jubilee line and found that the train I was supposed to catch was cancelled the last minute and there would be no more trains for the night. It was almost 11 and I panicked. (Being me.) And 2 guys named Dipam and Chris helped me figure out how to get home. They reassured me that it would be ok as they helped me look at the train scheds and kept telling me to relax. They even offered to bring me to a nearby pub for a drink and ascertained I'd get home safe and sound.

This is kindness. Is it not?

I am as normal as any other person. I choose to live my life each day with the thought that I pass this way but once, whatever good I can do, let me do so wholeheartedly. Having said that, I'm no angel. (Far from it!!!) Make no mistake, very much like the next person, I have done some things in the past that I have learned from since. I still become short-sighted. I do have a tendency to dwell too much on a problem before asking for help, and sometimes my impatience gets the worst of me.

If what Wes has said is true, then I shall be stuck in single zone.
(Which is just as well because I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else.)

Last night as I rested my weary self on my bed, very close to midnight lucidity, I thought- what was it that made people think the way they did? We are all unique of course, but as we grow more into ourselves, we lose sight of child-like hopefulness. Was there meant to be an inverted relation between maturity and hope? I daresay not!!!

I grew up in the Fil-Chi Jungle, with a single mom who was a Buddhist stalwart, but I have the indelible marks of an individual who was raised in a Catholic environment. (Guilt is a Catholic trademark, haha!) When my stepdad married my mom, the equation became more dynamic. Their union intensified my staunch beliefs in happy endings. My stepdad is an individual who can hold his liquor with equal ease as spewing words of wisdom that become deeply embedded into your personhood. He is agnostic and has always taught my siblings and I that our word was our bond. His dogma was to always choose to do good and consciously not step on anyone. That and that coffee and cake should never be take out of anyone's diets!!!

My friend Cindy has always said that for all my imperfections, I am good-intentioned. (I confirm this.) But she also says, along with my mommy, that I am overly optimistic. Am I? It is an inner debate I often have and still and all, the conclusion I've come to is a resounding 'NO.'

I don't feel that I am extremely idealistic. I am far from the fairy tale princess. But my mixed upbringing made me open to happy ever after.

Which brings me to the focal point of this entry/inquiry -
Am I in for a major disappointment because I know what I want? That I am unwilling to settle for just anyone?

Is it an impossibility to seek someone who will make me a better person than my existing mold? I've fallen in love with someone who has given me everything but took away freedom to grow and express myself. I will never make that mistake again. The blinders have come undone long since and my major inner workings are all set. Just the general tweaking once in a while. Although I still have some undecideds to settle. In my own time, I am in no hurry.

On my checklist is DEFINITELY someone with the OOMPH!

"Forever" maybe in the horizon but will not always be obvious at the initial meeting. (I've found that it takes time for forever to come into the equation, but that when it does, it's that definitive 'you-just-know' moment frozen beautifully in time.)

Definitely someone who can disarm my defenses with a smile at a drop of a hat, but make me feel that his kindness is unparalleled and longstanding.

My dating mettle is undisputed. and has withstood a wide spectrum of men. I have made confidences/ collaborations of most, if not all. On the outset, the rule is simply fun + exchange oratorical cheekiness during the getting-to-know-you stage. If we both get enough laugh-out-loud moments then we level-up. If not, then things get stuck on an even keel. Keeling with kindness is my term for it.

And he will come. I believe that he's close. Closer than close I can feel him. And with him there will be no keel- the Leonine idealist is in place and simply awaiting the smile that will do the definitive hat-drop.

(Schwing!)